do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
