You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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