I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
