I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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