The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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