What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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