I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
