I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
