Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
