don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
