help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
