please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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