WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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