Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
