Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
