I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
