i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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