I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
