His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my being single is dangerous.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
