Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
