she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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