yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
