I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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