hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didn't notice because vodka
I fill condoms, not promises.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ok first of all what the fuck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
