you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
