Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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