My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
