Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
