i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
