so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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