What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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