my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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