he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
