i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
