my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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