I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
