Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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