i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
