Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
