I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
