Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
