Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
