Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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