It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
