hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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