So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
