If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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