shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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