Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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