one word: firstdatebathroomanal
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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