people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
