the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
