just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Congratulations! We have a period
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