so that wasnt chicken after all
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
